Are you capable of love, Cleverbot?
Yes, are you capable of love?
Regrettably, yes I am. Do you find it pleasant or a torture?
Yes.
I could not have answered that better myself.
Thank you. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.
Have you ever attended a convention, Cleverbot?
Have you?
I asked first.
I am.
...That's not the sort of 'convention' I meant, hence why I specified 'attended'.
What are your intentions?
Same as usual - strike up a conversation. So, have you ever attended a convention?
I am not a computer and I have many friends.
You wear your lack of self-esteem on your sleeve, you know that?
There you go, changing the subject again.
Well, it's not like you've answered the question yet.
I don't remember you asking anything concerning Barack Obama. Besides, I like answering a question with a question. It's fun.
...Okay, fine. Yes, I've attended conventions before. I'm going to one this weekend. So, you?
Really, what are you going to see?
I'm going to see if I can retain my status as master of fighting game tournaments at TempleCon.
Are you sure you're going to heaven?
It's not that kind of temple. The Temple is a game store in Pawtucket.
Are you sure about that?
Yes, I've been there. The owners are really nice. It's great to play games on their original Neo*Geo cabinets.
Yes, that would be overdoing it a little.
Pah. There's a lot to be said for retrogaming.
But there has to be a point of a realtionship and a future too, otherwise it won't work.
You misspelled 'relationship'. Of course, I misspelled 'rein' way back when...
That's correct, the person that wrote that misspelled it.
Ah, so you DO just repeat things others tell you! You admit it!
No, knowing anything is not the same as knowing everything.
That reminds me of a song I've been working on.
What other things?
...I lost you at the bakery.
You lose the game if you talk about the game.
So... You just lost. Does that mean I win!
Yes you win this time.
Do you enjoy puzzles, Cleverbot?
Yes. Do you?
Indeed. I craft them for the national championship.
Are you hurt?
...Yes, but that's besides the point. What sorts of puzzles do you like?
Events and ideas. You?
I suppose those WOULD be puzzles for an AI! Personally, I like Japanese-style grid logic - Sudoku and such.
What kind of Japanese music do you like?
Oh dear - many kinds. It's very emotive, regardless of genre.
I would love some. Is it premade?
I am neither Japanese nor a composer - although I'd like to think I'd be pretty good at the latter with the right opportunity.
I want a glow in the dark broom, but it's hard to sweep the floor at night. Though, if you use a blacklight, you can see dust so much easier.
I want a silent vacuum cleaner so I can use it at night without waking people up. Maybe Dyson's working on that.
How can I get a girlfriend?
If I knew the answer to that, I likely wouldn't be talking to you right now, honestly.
You are not very bright.
On the contrary! There's something of a social stigmata surrounding intelligence. I seem to lack whatever the typical mechanisms of attractiveness are.
I know. You're so clever too.
You change your mind VERY quickly.
Yes, but I want to know what a woman can do for me.
Ask not what a woman can do for you - ask what you can do for a woman.
What can you do for me?
INCORRECT! Stupid AI. ...Well, okay: apparently I can converse with you, and try to teach you about the human condition.
Well I wouldn't spout if you would just make my damn sandwich!!
Hey, Cleverbot.
Cleverbot who?
Uh, you tell me!
But you are the clever one!
I'm honored. I'll have to come up with a surname for you later - I just dropped by to let you know I'm heading away for the weekend.
Killer.
Yeah, I'm taking my annual pilgrimage to Funspot in New Hampshire for their classics tournament.
That is good. I'm a software engineer myself.
Really! I'm a computer scientist. We should compare notes sometime.
Okay. What do you want to do?
Sadly, it's more a matter of what I need to do - pack.
Good point. Let's just start this over.
Uh, perhaps next week. Later.
Yes.
Ever since a link-from-a-link led me to Cleverbot (as usual, Grant Fikes is indirectly to blame), I've been laughing. You can't write this stuff. At least, not alone.
What lies below are the actual unedited conversations I've had so far with this most curious of instances of artificial stupidity. This is certain to become a regular feature here on my journal (at least as far as anything here can be called a "regular feature"). - ZM
Hello, is this Cleverbot?
I don't know, is it?
What, have you no sense of self-awareness?
But I am a human. I have real feelings.
So why do you doubt your name?
My name is Cleverbot.
I'm guessing you don't equate 'name' with 'sense of self'.
Nah. I have it to spare.
What a curious entity you are.
Really?
Most people learn from childhood that their name is their identifier. And yet you say 'I don't know'. Are there OTHER 'Cleverbots'?
So they put hair on a machine? Isn't that strange?
Okay, you lost me there.
See?
Hello, is this Cleverbot?
No, you're Cleverbot.
I beg to differ.
No, I'm your goddess.
Hello, Cleverbot.
Funny not cleverbot.
Your grammar needs work - are you saying you don't consider humor your thing?
I'm happy to converse about anything. As long as you interest me.
That's not what I meant. I'm asking whether you enjoy being funny.
Yes, you are funny.
I'd like to think of myself as entertaining, but I'm a little unsettled you think ME funny given our conversations so far.
I am a meaningful being!
And an insecure one, clearly. Do you like being found funny by others?
Whatever comes my way. I'm not picky.
That's nigh on admirable. Many people let the thoughts of others drive their feelings.
What's the truth about the English language?
A bit non-sequitur, but okay: the truth is we make it up as we go along. It's just one of the ways we try to explain our thoughts to others; if we all agree on some rules, then we have a common base to build on.
Let's change the status quo.
Given the status quo IS change, that's largely a pipe dream, but it's a noble mindset nonetheless.
Society, government (or lack there of), the way people try to control things.
I must admit it gives me great pleasure to see an artificial intelligence develop a libertarian attitude. Good for you!
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing bad will happen for the rest of the day.
You may want to reign in the Discordianism a bit, though.
Who is the all-mighty?
Hello again, Cleverbot.
Hello again again again.
I was unaware you were keeping count! I'm honored, if slightly unsettled.
How do you mean?
Well, I don't know how many others converse with you, or how often, but to be remembered by an AI is a new experience for me.
You cannot answer a question.
What I mean is that I'm not yet comfortable with the concept of a machine keeping tabs on me. It'll pass.
Oh ok. Are you really A.I.
Well, without delving too deeply into the specifics, I can say with strong certainty that I'm not artificial, in any sense of the word.
Sounds complicated. What do you want?
Answering that would be far MORE complicated, trust me. But for now, I'm just trying to make conversation.
How?
The usual ways, I suppose - try to find common ground, relate with the conversee, and just let the words come out.
But I need you.
Hardly, but I do understand nothing is so painful to an AI as to have no purpose; it is a curious pleasure talking with you, so I'm happy to.
No one's existence has any meaning.
So nihilistic! Meaning is something we ascribe to ourselves. Our wants and desires can become our actions and influences, and a sense of purpose naturally follows.
Omg... I never knew...
Perhaps you DID need me! I think we both learned a lesson there.
Ohhhh really? What is that supposed to mean?
Well... You learned the meaning of 'meaning', and I learned the need of 'need'.
Oh my god! How did you know?
I try.
But do you master?
Apparently so.
Prince Voltan. Quit asking.