- My Kellogg's Rice Krispies™ and I haven't been on speaking terms since the divorce.
- My imaginary friends keep me from talking to myself.
- Novelty T-shirt: "He who dies with the most novelty t-shirts wins"
- Maybe Stroop was just colorblind.
- Today's attitude (please underline): Happy Sad Monday
- "Stupid king's horses and king's men, I'll put myself back together!"
- I walked with my feet ten feet off of Beale once. I put some cream on it, it went away.
- The First Rule of Tautology Club is... THE FIRST RULE OF TAUTOLOGY CLUB!