Very nicely done! To be honest, the gender-neutral pronouns didn't bug me much. I mostly just figured I'd read it mentally with an Aussie accent, and it worked quite well. :D
Other than the usual bit of grammar work I usually pick up on, I don't have much to nitpick about. It flowed well and sounded like something that'd be fun to make into a TV show. I had fun reading it, it was easy to picture and looked pretty damn cool to me. Nice characterizations, I really like how most of them just -know- who they're dealing with and put the guns down. And it was cool to keep that one guy alive.. I tend to get really annoyed with stories and shows where the one guy who didn't deserve it, dies anyway.
Lot of good plot twists too, like wondering about Sam and why they had to suddenly leave and what they really wanted. My impressions of who the characters were and what they wanted just kept changing constantly, and that was kinda neat.
By the way, what is twenty/zero? Is that what you're calling the story?
no subject
Other than the usual bit of grammar work I usually pick up on, I don't have much to nitpick about. It flowed well and sounded like something that'd be fun to make into a TV show. I had fun reading it, it was easy to picture and looked pretty damn cool to me. Nice characterizations, I really like how most of them just -know- who they're dealing with and put the guns down. And it was cool to keep that one guy alive.. I tend to get really annoyed with stories and shows where the one guy who didn't deserve it, dies anyway.
Lot of good plot twists too, like wondering about Sam and why they had to suddenly leave and what they really wanted. My impressions of who the characters were and what they wanted just kept changing constantly, and that was kinda neat.
By the way, what is twenty/zero? Is that what you're calling the story?