ext_311379 ([identity profile] shack-a-nerd.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] zotmeister 2006-05-13 11:48 am (UTC)

Re: Response

Mostly present tense, except for some strange places like:

Three knocks emanated from just outside the front door.

I did have a hard time understanding what was happening the first time through. I think the second time through was easier because 1. I already had a vague idea what was happening, 2. I did "select all" and that blocked out the light-colors-on-white text, reducing everything to a neutral white-on-blue. (I realize now that there was missing text that was colored white that I just hadn't seen -- it's hard to understand a story if you don't read all of it.)

"E is.", Mike says colloquially.

Boss releases Spencer, who promptly looks back at Mike with a facial expression of complete lack of comprehension.

"You are.", Mike says equally colloquially.


I think "nonchalantly" or "matter-of-factly" might fit better here.

Ethan

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