You're not the only one to cite the pronouns as an obstacle. Just read aloud and listen to what you say - you'll hardly tell the difference. I suggest find-and-replace for those who are absolutely stuck on them, but give them a try - more people will be using them over time, not less.
I toggled tenses?! Where? Grammar errors must die!
I hope your calling my prose a puzzle is in reference to the plot, not to trying to comprehend my writing. If the latter, then my apologies, your suggestions, and a rewrite are in order. It's a learning process, after all.
This would be a running series; think of them as small windows looking in on a novel that may or may not be presented in its entirety in the future. Most other snippets of fiction I'll be posting will be standalone features, but Twenty/Zero is, at least behind the scenes, one cohesive whole. Note that I may or may not actually present its pieces in order; to that end, I suppose it is a puzzle, at least as it'll be presented here. - ZM
Re: Response
I toggled tenses?! Where? Grammar errors must die!
I hope your calling my prose a puzzle is in reference to the plot, not to trying to comprehend my writing. If the latter, then my apologies, your suggestions, and a rewrite are in order. It's a learning process, after all.
This would be a running series; think of them as small windows looking in on a novel that may or may not be presented in its entirety in the future. Most other snippets of fiction I'll be posting will be standalone features, but Twenty/Zero is, at least behind the scenes, one cohesive whole. Note that I may or may not actually present its pieces in order; to that end, I suppose it is a puzzle, at least as it'll be presented here. - ZM